Riverdale – Pilot

I was thoroughly bored by this entire pilot.

Betty is secretly in love with Archie Andrews, the football player. As she’s about to make her big move, in walks Veronica Lodge. The cinematography is purposely broody as it’s inspired by Twin Peaks. There is pandering faux lesbianism (so 2003), Betty’s addicted to Adderal, Veronica’s father is a deadbeat… I can’t even remember the rest. It’s reductive and I have a hard time believing either of these girls would like someone as dry and boring as Archie.

Archie writes songs and has a Pacey-like affair with his music teacher.

There’s a Kylie Jenner lookalike who may or may not have had an incestuous relationship with her dead brother whose body was never found.

Jughead and Archie have an unknown beef. Jughead is actually writing a book based on the disappearance of Cheryl’s brother who’s body turns up at the end of the ep while the oblig sassy gay character is going to the obligatory riverside locale to obligatory do some secret closet case action. It turns out he didn’t drown. He was shot and an arrest was made later in the week which is revealed in episode two.

Yawn. It all feels reductive and like a rethread of One Tree Hill, Dawson’s Creek, Gossip Girl and Pretty Little Liars. I’ll give this two more episodes before I give up. If this isn’t canceled in twelve episodes I’ll be really surprised.

Grade: F

Next:

Riverdale 1×02 “A Touch of Evil” – SECRETS UNRAVELED — As new details of Jason’s death begin to emerge, Archie (KJ Apa) pleads with Miss Grundy (guest star Sarah Habel) to come forward with what they heard at Sweetwater River. Betty (Lili Reinhart) makes an effort to mend her friendship with Archie but takes a different stance with Veronica (Camila Mendes), who is trying to make up for her actions. With rumors around her brother’s death running rampant, Cheryl (Madelaine Petsch) deals with the pressure in true Queen Bee fashion, while tensions boil over when Jughead (Cole Sprouse) stumbles upon a secret Archie was hoping to keep hidden. Finally, plans for the annual fall pep rally move forward with a performance by Josie (Ashleigh Murray) and the Pussycats and a special appearance by Mayor McCoy (guest star Robin Givens.) Marisol Nichols, Madchen Amick and Luke Perry also star. Lee Toland Krieger directed the episode written by Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa (#102.) Original airdate 2/2/2017

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