Riverdale: Chapter 9 – Le Grande Illusion

Though I haven’t been writing about Riverdale, I’ve been watching all the episodes and though I did post on Facebook that I was on another hiatus till May, I’m gonna sneak in 15 minutes to discuss last night’s Riverdale.

AIN’T NO OTHER MAN BUT YOU| With Jason still being dead, the future of the Blossoms’ maple syrup empire lies in jeopardy. The board of the company comes to town to suss out how fast they can oust the Blossoms from their company. I’m assuming with all the red hair, that the other board members are extended family members. To boost the image of stability, the Blossoms court Archie (KJ Apa) with the promise of getting him into a prestigious music school to help them make their appearances to the board stronger and more stable. Cheryl (Madelaine Petsch) is next in line as the heir apparent but after her breakdown at Jason’s funeral, no one has any confidence in her, thus enrolling Archie into the fold somehow adds credibility to Cheryl because she isn’t nuts! she has a quarterback escort! Of course nothing comes free with the Blossoms, and that one appearance at a company event leads to family dinners, expensive gifts and Cheryl taunting Valerie (of Josie and the Pussycats, guest star Hayley Law) that she will take Archie from her.

It’s all very creepy and weird that they use Archie as a Dead Jason substitute with Mother Blossom commenting that in the right light, Archie likes just like Dead Jason. Archie eventually uses his gigaho position to negotiate for Cliff Blossom to help out his dad (Fred Andrews played by Beverly Hills 90210 veteran Luke Perry #dylanandbrendaforever) and the struggling Andrews Construction. It all comes to a head when Cheryl eventually moves in on Archie and kisses him, which Archie takes a good 5 seconds to eventually reject. Archie decides he doesn’t want to be the Blossom’s quasi Dead Jason gigaho substitute and bounces, even though Cheryl tells him if he leaves, he leaves his opportunity to get into the music school behind too.

NO SCRUBS | Of course by the time Archie finally rebukes the Blossoms, Valerie is OVER IT. She is over him treating her like shit and doesn’t take his disrespect. Archieval is over. It’s not like ever knew ye anyway, as most of this relationship always happened offscreen. I will say though, I like that Valerie didn’t take that shit and stood up for her standards and self worth. Too often girls just accept the shit they are dealt and never really walk away. You go pussycat!

MADCHEN AMICK 4 LIFE| From episode two to present, Mama Coop (Madchen Amick) is by far one of the show’s MVPs. Arrestingly beautiful and blissfully nuts, Amick brings multiple layers to Alice Cooper, shades of crazy, fierce protectiveness of her daughters, independent and steadfast. Alice is another strong female character in Riverdale, shown in the previous episode where she separates from her husband after he scheduled an abortion appointment for their daughter and never told her; and in this one where she throws a brick at him when he refuses to help her bring their daughter back home. Last week’s episode where she breaks down over her elder daughter Polly (Tiera Skovbye) choosing to live with the insaneo creepo Blossoms was really well done. Amick is a veteran and knows exactly how to bring it.

This week, Alice is focused on writing an expose on the Blossoms as retribution for them taking Polly away from  her. Archiekins here finally has a purpose in the entire series thus far when he acts as the trojan horse in the Blossom household, feeding information back to the Coopers. Turns out that Polly is actully there to go undercover trying to solve Dead Jason’s murder herself. She’s pregnant with twins though so I’m assuming some hijnks ™ will take place when she is in her eighth month. Alice’s loser dope husband refuses to run the expose in their jointly owned newspaper and fires her. In a small consolation, she is later offered a spot at the Riverdale High school newspaper (lol) run by Jughead and Betty.

RONNIE’S REMORSE | In the seven episodes in between my last review and this one, I have to admit Veronica’s (Camila Mendes) character has been boring and has had no real development other than a reformed mean girl wanting to start over. This concept finally reaches a head when Veronica realizes what her privileged lifestyle really cost when classmate Ethel (played by Barb from Stranger Things) reads a super depressing poem in class. Ronnie, wanting to help, befriends her and invites her to a family dinner. At this dinner, we find out that Ethel’s parents have been fighting about money and Hermione (Veronica’s mother played by Marisol Nichols) pieces it out that Ethel’s father invested with Hiram (Veronica’s father currently in jail for embezzlement) and that’s why Ethel’s family is about to lose their home. Later when Ethel’s dad attempts suicide, Ronnie is devastated by the impact of the life she lived and shreds her pearls in tears with a cringey slow motion scene. Seeing the ramifications of her dad’s actions, Ronnie decides she will not lie when she has to testify and will fully testify against her father.

LOVE DOES COST A THING a.k.a. POOR HERMIONE | Hermione is also forced to come clean to Fred Andrews about her involvement in the SoDale construction and that her crooked husband is behind the development that Fred’s struggling construction company is depending on. Fred leverages this information and ends their relationship and negotiates a 20% stake in future of the development.

BUGHEAD 4 EVER | Throughout the course of the series, the Betty and Jughead relationship has moved to the front of the series. It doesn’t hurt that their actors Lili Reinhart and Cole Sprouse are dating IRL. It’s actually kind of hilarious and sad that their chemistry has eclipsed that of Betty and Archie making the showrunners change the course of the show and the iconic Betty-Archie-Veronica love triangle. The show will instead focus on a Jughead-Betty-Archie “friendship triangle”. In less than ten episodes, Cole Sprouse has inadvertently made himself the defacto male lead and relegated Archie to the B plot. Poor dat.

CHERYL | Cheryl does not take her rejection kindly and the episode ends with her crossing out Polly and Archie’s faces in red marker on a photograph from the event at the start of the episode. Everyone in this show is nuts.

WHO KILLED DEAD JASON | The season running mystery deepens when Archie (who has genuinely never ever been this useful in the entire series) overhears the Blossoms talking about how they were the ones that sold out Hiram Lodge and sent him to jail but despite that, they should have sent Hermione too as she is turning out to be more resourceful than they had realized. Archie relays this information to Bughead who then add Hiram Lodge to the murder board… if the Blossoms got Hiram arrested, could he have retaliated by killing their most prized possession, their son Dead Jason Blossom?



It’s the rite of passage for every teen drama: the house party where shit goes down™

Let’s first laugh at this very badly executed stage punch

one more time


AND now the trailer with the episode description:

Riverdale 1×10 “The Lost Weekend”  – When Fred (Luke Perry) decides to finalize the divorce with Archie’s mother Mary (guest star Molly Ringwald), Archie (KJ Apa) hides his true feelings. Archie tries to win Valerie (guest star Hayley Law) back with a romantic evening, however, Betty (Lili Reinhart) hijacks his plans when she decides to throw Jughead (Cole Sprouse) a surprise birthday party. Once Cheryl (Madelaine Petsch) learns of the party, she decides to make it interesting and things quickly get out of control. Meanwhile, Veronica (Camila Mendes) contemplates whether she should participate in the deposition to help get her Dad released. Madchen Amick and Marishol Nichols also star. Dawn Wilkinson directed the episode written by Britta Lundin & Brian E. Paterson (#110). Original airdate 4/13/2017.


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